Discerning God’s Will (part 1)

On a previous post, I was asked a question about how to discern God’s will about questions of life direction, such as career and relationship decisions. It’s an important question we all wrestle with, so I’m going to devote a couple of posts to it. Two stories from my life illustrate some key lessons I’ve learned about discerning God’s will. I’ll tell a relationship story this time and a career story next time.

Story #1: To ask her out or not to ask her out, is that the question?

We often get stuck in the immediate outcome of our decision and miss the bigger picture of what God is doing in our lives for His Kingdom.

Years ago I was more anal and perfectionistic than I am today. (Brian S. if you are reading this, I am not claiming to no longer be a perfectionist, so don’t bother commenting.) I was agonizing over whether or not to ask out a close friend. I spent a lot of time praying about it, and He made it clear that He wanted me to ask her out. He had to tell me three times before I worked up the nerve to do it.

I was surprised when her answer was no. Since God had clearly communicated to me that He wanted me to ask her out, I had assumed that she was supposed to say yes (and was tempted to explain this to her, though luckily I either wasn't arrogant enough or wasn't confident enough to try). I was later able to move through the confusion and see ways that He grew me as a man through that experience. It wasn’t about getting a date with her. God wanted to confront my tendency to overthink everything, which was a lack of faith—an attempt to gain control by being prepared.

So often, we set our sights on something we want and ask God to tell us whether or not He wants us to have it. While we are stuck in our tunnel vision, He thinks big picture. How does He want to sanctify us through this situation that we may more effectively magnify His name and reveal His heart to the people in our lives? I just want to know if I should ask her out and if I’ll get a date, but He wants me to embody more of the character of Christ and become the man I was created to be.

Recognizing that His Kingdom is the big picture frees us from being paralyzed by indecision. Because we are part of a greater story and our sanctification is more important than getting an immediate answer, we can continue to be in action while we patiently wait on the Lord to provide or to guide us toward the things we want. Knowing His will is primarily about being transformed, and we can be in constant motion in that arena. Consider Romans 12:1-2.

This leads to a point in my second story, but I’ll save that for the next post. (Subscribe to my blog if you want to receive an email when I publish the second post.)