I spilled water on my laptop Saturday, and it shorted out. I sought advice from
my dad and brother, both computer experts. I decided to take the laptop apart
to the extent that I know how, put a fan on it and see if it would dry by
Monday morning.
Internally, I did not handle it well. I am grieved by my
distrustful response of anxiety, anger and fear. I bought this laptop in May
and was angry about the possibility of having to replace or repair it. I was
anxious about the time lost on my project. (Saturday was a work day
for me . . . well, it was supposed to be.) I was fearful about the potential
cost of repairing or replacing the computer.
At church Sunday, the Lord convicted me of my distrust and
drew me back into the Larger Story. He reminded me of how small such obstacles
are to a mighty God. I have experienced His provision in far more dire
circumstances than this. He provided in surprising ways when I faced tremendous
financial challenges raising support for a campus ministry job and when a series
of circumstances forced me to buy three cars within two years with no
expendable income. My Father is clearly bigger than this small obstacle.
I also see how He used this laptop debacle to force me to
take care of myself. I was too tired or too busy to go to the gym for the past
week, and I went Saturday. I couldn’t do my work, so I might as well accomplish
something, right? In truth, that exercise was something I needed. Similarly, it
gave me the freedom to turn off my overactive mind. I lacked opportunity to
work, so I was free not to think about the project all weekend. Once I realized
that, I moved on to other things.
Why did I choose to worry Saturday? Even if the worst
happened, and I had to buy a new laptop Monday, that would not have created a
financial crisis. (This is the first time in five years I can say that.) Sure,
I would have lost my photos, but I have all other docs stored on Dropbox. And I
can make up the time I would have worked Saturday. Really, what was my reaction
about?
I want control of my life, and God used Satan’s attack this
weekend to remind me that I don’t have it. Saturday, I responded like a defiant
two-year-old. Sunday, I received my Father’s loving correction. My desire for
peace and security will never be fulfilled by gaining control of my life. It
can only be satisfied by resting in the arms of my Father who loves me and is
more than able to redeem obstacles and trials for my good and His glory. This
is where I chose to live Sunday.
