Self-sacrificial Relationships

As a friend updated me on her and her husband's journey of becoming foster parents and as I reflect on the role of husband I am preparing to take on, I was struck by this thought:

Sometimes I wish Adam and Eve had simply obeyed God; everything would be hunky-dory. The cross wouldn't have been necessary, and relationships would not require such personal sacrifice. Yet there is something painfully sweet about stepping out of control into the self-sacrifice of loving others more than I love myself.

When Adam and Eve sinned, God didn't say, "Oops, time for plan B." Self-sacrificial love is the way He wanted to reveal His heart to us. Through the same, He invites us to reveal His heart to each other.

Lent vs. Distractions

My pastor explained Lent as letting go of good things to embrace pursuits that are more important. It is about turning our affection to the Lord. I reflected on what would be beneficial to give up and how I could replace it with something of greater value.

I have come to realize that the way I use my lunch break probably impacts my day more than I realize. I want to use it in a new way and see what the Lord does with it. Working from home gives me great freedom, and I typically use lunch in one of two ways. I either plow ahead or distract myself. I keep working, sandwich in hand, or I seek distraction and entertainment by turning on the TV or watching youtube videos. Plowing through refuses me an opportunity to take a break (which I am not good at doing anyway). Ironically, seeking entertainment also robs me of rest. It puts something else in front of me and keeps my mind occupied and distracted—but still busy.

For the 40 days of Lent, I am choosing to do neither. I deeply long to know the Lord intimately and walk through my days with continual awareness of His presence, the larger story of the Kingdom and my part in that story. Throughout Lent, I will create space for God in the middle of my day. I have no objectives to accomplish or activities in which to engage. I will simply eat in silence, seeking to be fully present in the moment. I open my heart to the reality that I am not alone at any point throughout the day. He is here. And I am here with Him. My hope is that this use of my lunch break will give me space to rest and help me stay grounded in God’s presence throughout the day.

Baptizing A Computer: Not Recommended

Satan was on the prowl this weekend, and God was at work. My faith grew. Eventually. 

I spilled water on my laptop Saturday, and it shorted out. I sought advice from my dad and brother, both computer experts. I decided to take the laptop apart to the extent that I know how, put a fan on it and see if it would dry by Monday morning.

Internally, I did not handle it well. I am grieved by my distrustful response of anxiety, anger and fear. I bought this laptop in May and was angry about the possibility of having to replace or repair it. I was anxious about the time lost on my project. (Saturday was a work day for me . . . well, it was supposed to be.) I was fearful about the potential cost of repairing or replacing the computer.

At church Sunday, the Lord convicted me of my distrust and drew me back into the Larger Story. He reminded me of how small such obstacles are to a mighty God. I have experienced His provision in far more dire circumstances than this. He provided in surprising ways when I faced tremendous financial challenges raising support for a campus ministry job and when a series of circumstances forced me to buy three cars within two years with no expendable income. My Father is clearly bigger than this small obstacle.

I also see how He used this laptop debacle to force me to take care of myself. I was too tired or too busy to go to the gym for the past week, and I went Saturday. I couldn’t do my work, so I might as well accomplish something, right? In truth, that exercise was something I needed. Similarly, it gave me the freedom to turn off my overactive mind. I lacked opportunity to work, so I was free not to think about the project all weekend. Once I realized that, I moved on to other things.

Why did I choose to worry Saturday? Even if the worst happened, and I had to buy a new laptop Monday, that would not have created a financial crisis. (This is the first time in five years I can say that.) Sure, I would have lost my photos, but I have all other docs stored on Dropbox. And I can make up the time I would have worked Saturday. Really, what was my reaction about?

I want control of my life, and God used Satan’s attack this weekend to remind me that I don’t have it. Saturday, I responded like a defiant two-year-old. Sunday, I received my Father’s loving correction. My desire for peace and security will never be fulfilled by gaining control of my life. It can only be satisfied by resting in the arms of my Father who loves me and is more than able to redeem obstacles and trials for my good and His glory. This is where I chose to live Sunday.